I’m back from my world travels! Yayyyy! Greece was beautiful and I look forward to returning to that part of the world. I lived in Izmir, Turkey when I was younger and loved it. It was a magical time in my life.
Being in this part of the world again caught me by suprise. The first couple of days I was PRICKLY! My dear daughter only had to look at me sideways and I would start crying. It was an odd combination of events that came together in a roaring confluence.
Making it all the more challenging was that I did not have a clue what was going on with me. After much contemplation (yayyyy for self-reflection!), I realized I missed my mom, I missed my daughters knowing my mom and I missed my daughter even though she was now only a few feet away from me.
Here’s the deal, grief snuck up on me and gave me a good thump in my heart. My mom passed in 1996 and Hannah, my youngest, has been living in France since January. Compound that with being around ruins. RUINS. That’s what thumped my heart and opened this contorted grief storm. We never really know what’s going to set off grief.
For me, this time, ruins. When we lived in Turkey, my family would spend weekends finding ruins, playing in Ephesus, and generally having great adventures. Ruins were my playground and it was magical. Ruins reminded me of that time and of my mom. And, I missed her. A LOT.
Once I figured out wth was going on with me, it was much easier to just allow the tears. I’m a big advocate of self-reflection. Know Thyself. What better place to engage in contemplation and self-reflection than Delphi? Though the columns that support that ancient guidance have long ago collapsed, the wisdom lives on.
Hi Melanie,
I have been enjoying your blog. The trip to Greece sounds wonderful. Thank you for sharing about this grief. I keep running into daughters grieving the loss of their mothers. It is a running theme in interactions in the last year or more. My mother is living, though under a terminal prognoisis (again, oddly enough). And we have a very troubled relationship. So I am trying to see what I need to see about her, and the death that will come sometime. It is a difficult mix of forgiveness and boundaries, such challenges. I think we all walk amid ruins.
Hey Shonna,
Thanks for reading. I’m sorry to hear that you are facing the challenge you are currently facing and it’s the stuff of life, yes? I so appreciate your comment about the mix of forgiveness and boundaries. In my work, I’ve been stunned by the power of forgiveness. These days, I’m playing with using a hypnosis process called ZPoint Process to help clients clear old wounds and access forgiveness. It’s profound when the ties that have been binding our hearts are loosened and the natural flow of love and compassion are freed.