on being flexible
Posted by Melanie on Aug 12, 2010 in cultivating peace, mindfulness | 10 commentsThings don’t always unfold as I think they should. Does that ever happen to you? Come on, you can tell me.
Long ago, for Lent, I gave up having expectations, not that I’m Catholic or Episcopalian. I just like the idea of Lent. (Note to Self, write about Lent, during Lent!) I found that I was not so successful at completely letting go of expectations, but it sure did make me more aware of the role expectations play in Life.
What brings this to mind is my recent trip to the mountains of North Carolina. Let’s give a shout out to 75 degree weather! Anyway, we were staying on the border of the Pisgah National Forest, where I fell in love, again, with trees.
What do trees have to do with expectations?
Expectations, if we hold them too tightly rob us of delight and peace in the unfolding moment. Whereas, trees, ahhhhh, trees ~ their very existence demands that they be flexible. The wind blows, they bend, The snow falls, they bend. They don’t seem to mind the wind and the snow.
In fact, the wind seems to empty them of their dead branches, revealing even more beauty. So, they flow with the wind and let go of what is no longer alive.
I think we can learn from trees.
Where might you need to bend a little?
Where might flexibility open the door to delight or peace in the unfolding moment?
What expectation might you be holding on a little too tightly?
How might being a bit more flexible enrich the forest of your life?
Finally, what ideas or beliefs might you release like so many dead branches if you bent with what is, rather than with what you think should be?
After our conversation, this is an apt post, ROFL!!
Sue Painter
Letting go of expectations is a great idea about events beyond our control. The problem is sometimes people feel guilty about having expectations of friends, spouses, employees. Help me come up with another word for that. If you are repeatedly disappointed by one of those category members, sometimes it is time to let the person go, not the expectation.
I love the metaphor of trees to remind us about letting go of the “dead wood” and allowing ourselves to bend. I’m a big believer in setting goals and a plan for achieving them, then allowing yourself to let go of exactly HOW it will happen. It allows me to be more flexible with what shows up when I’m following my goal. It is sometimes a BIG challenge to do this, as I guess we sometimes get wrapped up in how we THINK it SHOULD be. Thanks, Melanie for a thought provoking article!
Hey Lane,
I think when we increase our awareness of our expectations of others, those expectations can become clear, direct requests that the other can respond with a “no,” “yes,” or “maybe.”
And, agreed, if your request is/will not likely be fulfilled by that person, either you let go of the need expressed by the request, or you look elsewhere to have the need fulfilled.
More simply, if you continue to try to pick oranges in an apple orchard, you will forever be disappointed.
Sue, I know! I cracked myself up with this.
FYI, Sue is an incredibly gifted coach helping entrepreneurs and solopreneurs engage in marketing in a way that is congruent with who they are, yet sets the stage for being a confident marketer.
She’s making reference to a conversation we had about my challenges with marketing my work
Thanks Linda for the comment. I especially appreciate the point about setting a goal, with a plan THEN letting go of the EXACTLY HOW so you can be more present. Lovely.
Hi, Melanie. That photo was amazing! I also LOVE trees. I love to notice the different trees when I travel. I have often painted trees. Really, in all of nature there is such a richness of wisdom that we can gain. I find when I am around mountains I feel so much more grounded and my priorities are clearer than ever. Thank you for sharing. 75 degrees! Heaven! Whitney
While setting goals is important to achieving what we want, holding too tightly to the way we THINK they ought to work out can keep us from seeing wonderful alternatives – kind of like missing the forest for the trees!
Melanie, I feel like you must have been in my back pocket this week. Being reminded about bending a little or bending a lot. It can be a piece to success or failure.
I love metaphors. Thank you for the one with trees … which I also love. As I read your post, I couldn’t help but think of something from several years ago. I was watching an interview with Drew Barrymore and she made this statement; “Expectations are the mother of deformity.”