RSS My Books

surprising waves of grief

May 7, 2009 – 2:13 pm

img_40322I’m back from my world travels!  Yayyyy!  Greece was beautiful and I look forward to returning to that part of the world.  I lived in Izmir, Turkey when I was younger and loved it.  It was a magical time in my life.

Being in this part of the world again caught me by suprise.  The first couple of days I was PRICKLY!  My dear daughter only had to look at me sideways and I would start crying.  It was an odd combination of events that came together in a roaring confluence.

Making it all the more challenging was that I did not have a clue what was going on with me.  After much contemplation (yayyyy for self-reflection!), I realized I missed my mom, I missed my daughters knowing my mom and I missed my daughter even though she was now only a few feet away from me.

Here’s the deal, grief snuck up on me and gave me a good thump in my heart.  My mom passed in 1996 and Hannah, my youngest, has been living in France since January.  Compound that with being around ruins.  RUINS.  That’s what thumped my heart and opened this contorted grief storm.  We never really know what’s going to set off grief.

For me, this time, ruins.  When we lived in Turkey, my family would spend weekends finding ruins, playing in Ephesus, and generally having great adventures.  Ruins were my playground and it was magical.  Ruins reminded me of that time and of my mom.  And, I missed her.  A LOT.

Once I figured out wth was going on with me, it was much easier to just allow the tears.  I’m a big advocate of self-reflection.  Know Thyself.  What better place to engage in contemplation and self-reflection than Delphi?  Though the columns that support that ancient guidance have long ago collapsed, the wisdom lives on.

By Melanie | Posted in 3 Good Things, Uncategorized, birthday, meditation, mindfulness, power of now, relationships, this i believe | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)

3 good things, so far

March 8, 2009 – 12:35 am

So far today, I have so many good things.  Nonetheless, I’ll hold it to reporting on 3 good things.  But first…

Yesterday, as I contemplated 3 good things, I found myself relishing remembering the good things.  And then I felt this creeping feeling that I needed to add a new post articulating my 3 good things.  That didn’t feel so good.  Thinking that I should DO something was seriously taking me out of BEing.  So, I let go of the “you should post” injunction I’d given myself. I just let go, dropped it and relaxed back into remembering.

I’m almost 50 (this coming Thursday if you must know).  Anyway, I’ve spent a good many of those years addressing and mending the intrapsychic damage of that one simple word, “should.”  And, there I was thinking I “should” post and finding myself entering a kind of dampening emotional cloud.  Lost was that feeling of sparkling aliveness I felt when relishing my good things – which is kind of the point…learning to relish the good things.

Amazing that one word can steal your joy.

om

On to good things:

1.  Huxley said hello to a strange dog without growling or acting aggressive.  Though Huxley is an awesome dog, he has a very bad habit of aggressively greeting other dogs.  I’ve had him about a month…he’s got a couple of issues.

2.  I had a most relaxing walk in the Maryville College woods with David, Addy and Huxley.

3.  David is cooking dinner.

By Melanie | Posted in 3 Good Things | Tagged , , | Comments (3)

3 more good things

March 6, 2009 – 3:17 am

1.  Wowee.  Zowee.  I just saw what very well may the most incredible performance in my life, so far.  DanceBrazil.  Amazing agility, athleticism, grace, energy.  AMAZING.

2.  I had dinner with David and Kaitlyn at the Sunspot.  The food was good, the company better and the conversation amusing.  We talked about Kait’s collection of etiquette books while imagining other quirky etiquette books.

3.  A good friend of mine who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer had a good night’s sleep last night.

There’s stuff I want to share about these 3 good things and what it’s meaning to me.  I’ll do that later.  In the meantime, join the party.  Share your 3 good things.

By Melanie | Posted in 3 Good Things | Tagged , | Comments (6)