birthday | peacefruit

surprising waves of grief

May 7, 2009 – 2:13 pm

I’m back from my world travels! Yayyyy! Greece was beautiful and I look forward to returning to that part of the world. I lived in Izmir, Turkey when I was younger and loved it. It was a magical time in my life.

Being in this part of the world again caught me by suprise. The first couple of days I was PRICKLY! My dear daughter only had to look at me sideways and I would start crying. It was an odd combination of events that came together in a roaring confluence.

Making it all the more challenging was that I did not have a clue what was going on with me. After much contemplation (yayyyy for self-reflection!), I realized I missed my mom, I missed my daughters knowing my mom and I missed my daughter even though she was now only a few feet away from me.

Here’s the deal, grief snuck up on me and gave me a good thump in my heart. My mom passed in 1996 and Hannah, my youngest, has been living in France since January. Compound that with being around ruins. RUINS. That’s what thumped my heart and opened this contorted grief storm. We never really know what’s going to set off grief.

For me, this time, ruins. When we lived in Turkey, my family would spend weekends finding ruins, playing in Ephesus, and generally having great adventures. Ruins were my playground and it was magical. Ruins reminded me of that time and of my mom. And, I missed her. A LOT.

Once I figured out wth was going on with me, it was much easier to just allow the tears. I’m a big advocate of self-reflection. Know Thyself. What better place to engage in contemplation and self-reflection than Delphi? Though the columns that support that ancient guidance have long ago collapsed, the wisdom lives on.

By Melanie | Posted in 3 Good Things, Uncategorized, birthday, meditation, mindfulness, power of now, relationships, this i believe | Tagged ephesus, grief, mindfulness, relationships, ruins| Comments (2)

hiding in plain sight

March 26, 2009 – 2:19 pm

Personal delight. That’s what I think is hiding in plain sight, behind the “shoulds” that seem to shore of the walls behind which personal delight plays.

Should – I should, you should, they should, he should, she should. It becomes like a kind of prison.

I hear the should in myself and notice how it squeezes out joy and delight. I hear it from others and notice how it fertilizes disappointment at best and contempt at worst. Either way, “should” creates walls – walls between the wellspring of personal delight within oneself and walls between you and others.

On Saturday, I had a birthday party. So much fun. Thanks for coming everyone. Seriously.

Kait's Cake Pops

For a bit of time, I had a little jaunt through a thorny “should” garden. I shouldn’t have asked people to bring food. I should have a regular birthday cake instead of bothering Kait to spend hours creating cake pops. I should have invited more people, less people, no people. OMG! I allow should to sneak into the garden of my mind and pretty soon they were growing like kudzu!

The cakepops were delicious and o so much fun! Thank you Kait. Everyone who came was a delight to be around and I missed those who couldn’t be there. So, I cut back the kudzu of my shoulds and moved on.

But, funny how shoulds work. This morning, I woke up and started thinking that I have done a terrible job promoting my upcoming meditation course. I should have sent out notices earlier. I should have sent a press release to the newspaper. I should have posted flyers. Should I keep going?

Ever alert, again, I cut back the shoulds and move on. I am offering a meditation class. If you can come, great. If not, no worries. If you want to spread the word, even better. If not, no worries.

I also noticed a distinct difference between the felt sense of “I should” vs. “I want.” There’s a bunch to say about this. That’s for another post. The short story is I want to lower the price. I originally priced the class at $175 with a $50 discount if you bring a friend. What I want to do is lower the price to $150 with a $50 discount for both parties if you bring a friend. Sound fair? I wanted it to be high enough so people would know this is going to be a class of great value, but within reach financially.

I still have a few seats left if you are interested. Check it out here.

In the meantime, are shoulds showing up in your life? Probably. See what happens if you begin to challenge them and cut them back like kudzu growing in the garden of your mind.

Off to meditate.