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sacred threads ~ gazing

January 27, 2010 – 10:57 am

Note to Reader:  Sacred Threads is a spiritual memoir/essay of sorts, if you like, go to archives and begin reading from the earliest post.

On this cold, wintry day, I’m reminded of a very different day.   After a long weekend of tiring work, a friend of mine and I took a day of rest on the beach.  After a long walk, we lay side by side gazing at the sky.  My body felt still and my mind quiet as I lay on the beach with the sun penetrating my skin and warming me to the center of my bones.

I remember breathing  deeply and taking in the great expanse above us.  After some time, I asked her if she could see thousands of tiny dots of light.  They seemed to dance before the eyes.  She saw them too.

Together, we gazed at the sky in wonder.  I felt myself as made of the same particles of light that danced before me.  I experienced a dissolving of the illusion that my friend and I were somehow different than the sand, the ocean, and the sky.  I was filled with a sense of quiet wonder and complete love, a kind of love that seemed to pour itself over me like warm honey.

This kind of gazing is in fact a centering technique drawn from an ancient Hindu text, The Vijnana Bhairava.

Many texts of ancient India have been translated in the last hundred years or so from Sanskrit to English, providing yet more doorways through which we can enter the Garden.  The Vijnana Bhairava is a collection of dharanas, centering techniques.

These techniques not only center a seeker, but open her to experiencing the wonder of the Divine Presence.  The English Translation of this text has a captivating title, “The Yoga of Delight, Wonder, and Astonishment.”

One of my favorite centering techniques from this text is the practice of gazing, without blinking as much as possible, at the sky.  “If one makes himself thoroughly immobile beholds the pure (cloudless) sky, at that very moment, O goddess, he will acquire the nature of Bhairava (Supreme Consciousness).” (The Yoga of Delight, Wonder and Astonishment, p. 78).

As each object of Nature carries the energy of God, the Presence of Divine Consciousness, it follows that each object of Nature can then carry the wisdom of the Divine.  However, to experience that recognition we must stop, but for a moment, to consider Nature to be a manifestation of God.

Even the path of the sun in the sky, lends itself to revealing the mysterious Presence of God in its very predictability.  Further contemplating the sun, I have experienced its generosity in the sensation of warmth on my skin, or in the taste of fruit in remembrance of the sun’s rays.

The ways in which we can contemplate Nature and find solace in it is endless.  In fact, images of Nature, simply gazing at Nature, can naturally return us to a state of peace.  Such images are abundant, infinite and easily accessible. Walking outside and gazing up at the sky, or simply sitting where you are and remembering the vastness of the sky can lure you to the experience of knowing you are in the Presence.

The Native American reverence for Nature is well known and continues to gain respect as many look to deepen their understanding and challenge previously held beliefs and assumptions.

Consider the wisdom in this statement from the Mohawk Nation, “We are shown that our life exists with the tree life, that our well being depends on the well-being of the vegetable life, that we are close relatives of the four-legged beings.  In our ways, spiritual consciousness is the highest form of politics . . . We believe that all living things are spiritual beings.  Spirits can be expressed as energy forms manifested in matter.  A blade of grass is an energy form manifested in matter – grass matter.  The spirit of the grass is that unseen force which produces the species of grass, and it is manifest to us in the form of real grass.”(15)

Any aspect of Nature, from a single acorn, to the changing seasons can teach us more of the Truth of who we are.  What if we were to listen, and let God be God in any and all manifestations before us?  Might then we glimpse the beauty and peace of the Eternal in the Present moment?

P.S.  If you are interested in learning and experience moments of Divinity in Nature, consider joining my Women’s Retreat in Provence, June 2010.  Only 3 spots left!

By Melanie | Posted in meditation, mindfulness, power of now, sacred threads | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

releasing the past ~ embracing the present

October 30, 2009 – 11:43 am

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Last weekend, I had a blast!  I got to spend the weekend in the gorgeous Smoky Mountains facilitating a women’s weekend retreat.  Nature, in Her glory, mirrored the multi-colored brilliance of these amazing women.  Together, we explored the theme of fully embracing the unique beauty and magnificence that is each of us while learning a powerful tool for releasing the pain of our past relationships.

In this confluence of letting go of the past while embracing one’s own magnificence I find a delicious taste of the freedom available to each of us.  This is the kind of freedom that allows one to live fully – - – TODAY.  I think that as long as I am holding on to old hurts and resentments, it is nigh to impossible (is that a real phrase???) to attune to the Presence in the present.

On the retreat, I set up a rope labyrinth in a field of moss.  With candles scattered about the labyrinth and the crisp mountain air shimmering in golden leaves, it felt magical.  As we approached the labyrinth, I shared with the group some thoughts about how they might walk the labyrinth.  Inviting them to align themselves with the intention of releasing the past and opening to the present, I encouraged them to maintain silence to support them in their walk.

The moment felt all together holy.  The silence was lush and the mountains felt still.  Suddenly, from the top of the hill, a young man called down to us. “DO Y’ALL WANT ME TO LEAVE A STARTER LOG FOR YOU BY THE FIRE?”  His young voice rang out through the silent holiness striking me as very funny.

Couldn’t he see we were having “a moment?”  And so what?  Moments come and go.  Life is more like a river than a pond.  So what good would it have done for us to cling to the previous moment of silence?  Such clinging would have only produced frustration and annoyance ~ separating us from ourselves, each other, and the young man.  What fun is that?

I hollered back, with a high thumbs up, “THAT’D BE GREAT!”

Later, we reflected on what the labyrinth taught us.  It was a beautiful experience of recognizing the brilliance of Leo Tolstoy’s 3 Questions in play:

What is the best time to do each thing?

Who are the most important people to work with?

What is the most important thing to do at all times?

In that moment, the best time to respond to the young man was in the moment.  The most important person to work with, the young man – in that moment.  The most important thing to do, respond to the young man – in that moment.  Are we seeing a theme here?

Later that night, we enjoyed a warm and inviting fire in the firepit.  Thanks for the starter log, Taylor!


By Melanie | Posted in cultivating peace, power of now, relationships | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

fresh starts

August 25, 2009 – 2:08 pm

This time of year, when children (young and old) are heading back to school, I’m inspired to take a fresh look, to look anew at Life.  Particularly, I think that there’s value to be had in re-considering old ways of thinking that may have once served but no longer do so.

Sometimes this can be quite a challenge because in many ways, it’s much easier to simply continue along through life.  Yet, in taking the time to re-visit myself, access AWARENESS about where I am, who I am, what’s important to me today, . . . Not yesterday . . . Not tomorrow . . . Today, I rediscover myself.  And, in that rediscovery, I rediscover a sweet appreciation for myself.

Here’s what I know today . . .

I value quiet alone time with myself.

My family makes my life a paradise.

I value my friendships.

Granola is good, especially my super excellent homemade granola.

It’s possible to create peaceable communities.

Taking responsibility for myself is the only self I can take responsibility for.

I like simple phones, though I may someday cave and get an iphone.

I delight in the companionship of my mutt, Huxley.

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I still enjoy swimming.

I intend to share my gifts with others in ways that make a big impact.  And, though I don’t really know what that means, it’s still true.

I sometimes stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong.

Forgiveness brings me back to NOW.

I have access to unlimited resources, though I sometimes forget the TRUTH of that.

I have faith that everything is all right.

So, what do you know to be true for you . . .?

By Melanie | Posted in mindfulness, power of now, this i believe | Comments (1)

sacred threads ~ who is god to you?

July 28, 2009 – 6:06 pm

Several years ago, standing alongside fellow seekers in a temple, my voice joined with other voices to sing hymns of love for Consciousness, for God, for Shiva, for Allah. . .  After some time, I felt enraptured by waves of immense bliss and infinite love.  My experience of who I am began to shift. No longer did I exist only in my own limited personal identity.  My “being” encompassed fellow seekers, the love we share, the temple, the early evening sky, the entire cosmos.

“I” consisted of all Existence; pervading all time and all space; permeating the fabric of all existence.  I experienced myself as being complete bliss and pure love.  This experience of myself lasted only a glancing moment.  Yet, this glancing moment changed me forever.  It seemed that I was given a glimpse of the answer to my burning question, “Who is God?”

My glimpse into the answer grounded me in faith that there is an answer.  What a sublime practice faith has become, reminding me as I move through daily life, “this too is God.” This too is God!  This too is God!  This practice of this understanding brings the teaching that God is ALL pervasive to life in my life.

Joy becomes mine as I more consistently recognize that I can never be separate from the Lord, whoever I conceive Her to be! No matter what happens, no matter where I am, no matter I’m with, I am never without God.

So, who is God?

“Who is God?”  Indeed, perhaps the most profound answer to this question lies in our own experiences.  For it is to those experiences that we turn and through which we ultimately find personal understanding.  Contemplating the question, “Who is God to me?” lead me to the remembrance of when I have experienced the Divine.  These experiences encompass both the profound life changing experiences such as the one I shared above and the more “mundane” experiences of daily life when the light and love of God pierces my routines.

The luscious fruit of these contemplations, these remembrances, are both scrumptious and enchanting.  Yet, for some mysterious reason, I didn’t really give myself full permission to contemplate this question.  I relegated this kind of knowing to scholars or saints, ministers or priests.

For the longest time, I presumed that intimate knowledge of God is obtainable only after death or in some future life. It is certainly not obtainable in this life, certainly not in this moment, and most certainly not by ordinary people, like me.
Yet, saints throughout history have offered all of us the treasure of their own great understanding of the Truth; “the Kingdom of God lies within.”

Still, I didn’t fully believe that. I think now, because I never asked the question, “Who is God to me? How can I experience the fullness of Consciousness in my daily life.  I resisted completely accepting that the Knowledge I seek is closer than the air I breathe.  The divinity I long for is closer than my own breath.

William Wordsworth, the great poet of the 19th Century captured his own experience of God in this poem,
“And I have felt
A presence that disturbs me with the joy
Of elevated thoughts; a sense sublime
Of something far more deeply interfused,
Whose dwelling is the light of setting suns,
And the round ocean, and the living air,
And the blue sky, and in the mind of man,
A motion and a spirit, that impels
All thinking things, all objects of all
thought,
And rolls through all things.

I, like so many others, have felt that disturbing presence, that sublime joy which stops time and dissolves the illusion of separation from God.  Returning to the memory of those moments become golden threads that together weave a holy shawl for me. I can enfold myself in this shawl, protecting my faith from the howling winds of doubt.  And, I can use any number of tools, such as Z Point to clear all the ways I feel the cold fingers of doubt.

With my mind’s natural tendency to lay claim to the region of knowledge and truth, I sometimes listen only to the mind and ignore the quiet murmurs and reflections of my heart.  I know I’m not alone in this. :)

When I adopt the innocent vision and curiosity of a child, I’m back in the current of LIFE, enjoying the bubbling energy of faith, knowing everything is all right.  Everything is unfolding as it should.  How easily children seem to see and embrace the magic and mystery of life.  Their lives pulsate with awareness, albeit unconscious, of the Presence of Great Mystery.  Might we discover the mystical magic of daily life if we approach each day, each moment with humble and innocent curiosity?

By Melanie | Posted in mindfulness, power of now, sacred threads | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments (0)

awaken responsibility

July 14, 2009 – 3:23 pm

A quick note – Some of this material was originally published in my award winning book, An Illumined Life ~ A Personal Yearly Retreat & Reflection Guide.

On a recent trip with one of my daughters, I found myself feeling very edgy.  Though I was excited to be with her, she and I just couldn’t seem to connect.  She was not feeling well and like many people who don’t feel well, she was distant and a little grumpy.  I took all of this very personally and held her responsible for my hurt feelings … for a little while.  I blamed her for how I felt.  It went something like this “If only she were a little more respectful, then I wouldn’t feel so bad.”

I knew it wasn’t really her fault and realized that I had a choice.  I could choose to contemplate my feelings and figure out what was going on with me.  I could clear my own negativity with some exercise, relaxation, self-inquiry, self-hypnosis or journaling.  Or, I could continue to blame her and stay in my hurt.  I chose exercise, self-inquiry and self-hypnosis.

Within a couple of hours, I realized what was bothering me and got myself back on track – back in a steady, easy-going state of mind.  Over dinner, my daughter and I had a long conversation.  We restored balance in our relationship and found our way back to laughter and love.

In reflecting on this and similar experiences, it’s clear to me that there is enormous freedom in assuming full responsibility for yourself.  It is actually liberating to learn to recognize your choices and assume responsibility for the choices you make.  Freedom lies within the choices you make.

How responsible, on a scale of one to ten, do you consider yourself to be for your life? “One” means not at all responsible; “ten” means completely responsible. Where do you want to be on this scale?

Fairytales of martyred victims are the stuff of children’s stories; they seep into the subconscious filter through which many people view life. The fairytale of “someday” – when your prince or princess comes, when you get that raise or win a vacation to the Bahamas – leaves you waiting for rescue. Life is happening now and you are responsible for your life experience. The prince or princess is not coming.

Many of us allow the fantasies, old stories, and fairytales to steal the direction and enjoyment from our life NOW. Many of us wait for rescue from a bad relationship, overwhelming work demands, or relief from the fatigue of an unbalanced life.

One antidote? Take responsibility for your life!

When life gets better, it is because the person who is living it makes it so. Change happens as soon as you are willing to take responsibility for yourself.
Paradoxically, taking responsibility is truly liberating. The moment you stop looking to be rescued, you discover that you actually hold the keys to your own joy and contentment. Your attitude and the areas you choose to focus your attention upon and take action to change are the keys to create the life of your dreams.

Nathaniel Branden, author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, has identified taking responsibility as a pillar of self-esteem. He encourages readers to recognize that “no one is coming.” No one is coming to your rescue. No one is coming to “fix” your life for you. With this realization, doors open in your awareness, understanding, and willingness to claim responsibility for your life.

Greater contentment and joy arise when you take responsibility for your attitude, your actions, and the attainment of your goals. For many, taking responsibility is exhilarating. For others it is frightening and even infuriating. After all, it means dropping – once and for all – the myriad mental habits you have created to avoid taking responsibility.

One definition of responsibility is the opportunity or ability to act independently and make decisions without authorization.  Inherent in the definition is the recognition of our ability to respond.  Response-ability.

Yet most of have our favorite and familiar means of abdicating responsibility.

Here are the TOP FIVE ways people avoid full responsibility:
• Blaming others
• Adopting “Poor me” attitude
• Staying in confusion
• Shaming and “shoulding” ourselves or others
• Gossiping

Which are your favorites? How do you abdicate responsibility? How do you avoid taking responsibility in your life?

As you take more responsibility for yourself and allow others to do the same, your personal and professional relationships become richer and life becomes more satisfying. You are then freed up to offer the pure intelligence, compassion and care that is often clouded by the games of your ego.

Recognizing that your life is just that – YOURS – is the first step in assuming responsibility for your life. Taking responsibility is the first step to creating a truly meaningful life.

Following on the heels of claiming full responsibility for your life is learning to recognize your choice points. In fact, this can become quite the internal game, like a child choosing the right bead to fashion just the right necklace.  In addition to being a game, recognizing choice points can also be considered a spiritual practice.  You choose what kind of life you will have moment by moment.

If you choose to stay out late with friends on the night before an early morning meeting, you soon discover the consequences of that choice.

Every moment of everyday, you make choices. You make choices about what you think, what you feel, what you do, and where to direct your attention. The choices that you make fashion your life. Your choices come together to create your destiny. The responsibility you have is to become better and better at recognizing these choice points and then taking responsibility for every choice you do make.

Practice recognizing the choice points you encounter throughout the day.  As you practice this, you will find that you can make choices that will move you closer to your goals and the kind of life you want to have.  And you can make choices that move you away from the kind of life you want to have.

One way to bring choice points into your awareness is to simply write “Choice Points” on a Post-ItTM note and place it on your computer, steering wheel, or mirror.  Choice points include not only your actions, but also your thoughts. You can choose good thoughts. You can choose thoughts that bring the tiniest pleasure and use those thoughts as a bridge to your next good thought.

Choose well and enjoy your choices!

By Melanie | Posted in mindfulness, power of now | Comments (6)

sacred threads ~ pronouns for god

July 1, 2009 – 7:43 pm

“I, you, he, she, we.
In the garden of mystic lovers,
these are not true distinctions.”

~ Shams of Tabriz

Does the mystical Divine subscribe to a particular pronoun?

I tend to think not.  That may explain my ruthless abandonment of rules when I write about, speak to, consider “GOD.”  Sometimes, He, sometimes She, sometimes It … out in that field.  That field free of rules, that’s where I meet the Mystic.

As you might have discerned by now, I’m interested in exploring the sublime Knowledge of the Truth as described by saints and seekers across a wide variety of spiritual traditions and in my own experience.  In sharing this exploration, I’m first devoting space to the consideration of what various scriptures and sacred writings say about who or what God is . . . to me.

Here’s where I’m landing today (and for the last several years now).  In the feelings of inner peace, delight and love – that’s where I most feel the connection to Holy (see how I mix it up?  What is God’s true Name after all?).

I think of God as that all-pervasive Consciousness that permeates all that is.  I am THAT.  So are you.  So is every thread that comes together to weave this tapestry we are all creating together.  To tune into that awareness and align with the Vibration of Consciousness takes practice, attention, awareness, mindfulness and willingness.  I’m talking about willingness to drop our limited understanding, concepts and ideas, willingness to open to the presence of Grace in this unfolding moment.

For me, it gets rather simple.  If I’m feeling good, I’m feeling God.  If not, it’s up to me to restore my state to a more LIFE affirming stance . . . not through denial, through acceptance and transcendence.  I’ll get to that later :)

After all, God’s right here.  If I’m not there?  Where am I?

My golden key is in the embrace of the inherent power of taking full responsibility for myself while abandoning that sometimes not so unconscious wish and waiting for rescue from any of my own destructive tendencies.  By destructive here, I am referring to that old definition of “sin.”  Sin derived from the archer’s term of “sinning” – when one misses the mark.

This is not your mother’s “sin.”  If my mark is SELF-realization (recognizing with steadfast cognizance, I am THAT”), sin is anything that is not in alignment with recognition of the Truth.  Because that TRUTH is right here, right now as near as my next breath, as intimate as my own heartbeat.  My glorious responsibility in this play of Consciousness is to drop into the ever-available peace, love and/or joy in this moment.

The really good news is that it’s not that tough.  These days there are numerous tools and technologies at our fingertips to transcend our own limited state and return to the Garden.

Later, I’ll share more about how I return to the Garden.  For now, try this – re-read the poem at the beginning of this post.  Now, take a deep breath and read it again.  One more time, this time out loud (if you can without your neighbors calling the men in white coats).  What did you discover?

Like a hiker who has come to a magnificent vista as she rounds a curve on a trail, pause, take a breath, look up at the sky.  Even if you are inside, you close your eyes and remember the vista of the vast sky.  Breathe in and allow room for that mystical Presence hidden within the  the poem.  Give that Presence room and time to peek out at you and present itself.

It may also be useful for you to know my own thinking in regards to how to best play with this blog.  First, you might want to print it out, or set it as your home page so you can read and re-read.  I imagine that some of what I write may challenge you.  That’s ok with me.  I hope it’s ok with you.  Share your comments on the blog.

As you can tell by now, I’m not a scholar, I’m not a theologian.  My sole credential is that I love God, God of my understanding.  I yearn to love Him even more deeply and know Her completely.  And, I’m ok with the Mystery.

Most of us walk in blindness to the experience of the great Truth, despite the abundance of sacred and mundane writings pointing us clearly and directly to the Presence all around us and within us.  In this blindness, I not only accept but embrace the challenge of cultivating disciplined (read playful) self-responsibility and engaging self-effort to shift my identification from my small ego self to my True SELF . . . all the while LOVING that small ego self.

This challenging and playful dance reminds me of my worthiness to live in the steady awareness of God, allowing me to touch Love, experience Peace and delight in Joy.  Such rigorous assumption of self-responsibility jogs my memory of the Truth of who I am (and you are) creating heaven on earth ~ my personal paradise.

By Melanie | Posted in Uncategorized, cultivating peace, power of now, sacred threads | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments (3)

heartfelt thanks

June 24, 2009 – 1:47 am

Go Gratitude!  Despite life’s ups and downs, there’s so much for which to be grateful.  Even more to the point, being grateful makes my heart sing!  Sometimes, it even feels a little selfish to dive into a luscious pool of gratitude because it feels sooooo good.  Try it.  Get grateful…genuinely, really, authentically grateful.

One of my mentors, Dick Olney, told me one time that he daily said out loud, “I give heartfelt thanks for help unknown already on it’s way to me!”

Now, Dick had a giant booming voice and a bit of flare for drama.  I like to imagine Dick standing with his arms wide booming out to the world, “I GIVE HEARTFELT THANKS TO HELP UNKNOWN ALREADY ON IT’S WAY TO ME!”

Me too, Dick.  Me too.

So, join the party y’all.  How ’bout some heartfelt thanks?  Don’t be shy.

Gratitude is the Master Key

By the way, if any y’all know how to insert a video into a post, clue me in.

By Melanie | Posted in power of now, this i believe | Tagged , | Comments (2)

sacred threads ~ meeting grace

June 9, 2009 – 3:45 pm
3 Euro Tulips ~ Hannah Patterson

3 Euro Tulips ~ Hannah Patterson

First, let me begin with a little side note.  I’m switching pronouns.  I’ve realized that what I am sharing is my experience of my spiritual path. So, there you go.  Me, rather than you, our, we, one, etc.

It is clear to me that when I look into what the various religious teachings and lovers of God have taught throughout the ages, we are all expressions of the heart, the Great Spirit, Allah, God.  The play of our lives is the play of God.

In divine ignorance, I identify with the experiences of my personality, the mutterings of my mind, and my oh so present ego, rather than with the Witness of these experiences.  More and more I am coming to recognize this ignorance, this false identification as also divine, as part of play of the Great Spirit.  I am in the play, watching the play and I am the forgetfulness that there’s a play going on.

I want to establish myself in remembrance.  To do that, I believe in the power of cultivating a steady state, a state of peace, joy and love, a state of well-being.  Because, I think that’s where I’ll meet the Truth.  Indeed, in that state is where I have met that Truth.

If I’m not in a state of joy, peace, love or some variation, I think it’s totally, 100% my responsibility to engage a little self-effort and restore my state to well-being.  Because, that’s where I meet God, Allah, Shiva, The Great Mystery.

My self-effort is in the thoughts, words and deeds that support me in rising up to meet the Grace of God.  For me, this means surfing in the confluence of spiritual practices and change techniques from the field of psychotherapy.  It means using every tool at my disposal to dis-identify from the experiences of my ego and identify with the essence of who I am, the Truth Playing in the Field of Consciousness, God.

Still with me?

Both common and more esoteric teachings of saints and sages across tradition teach that God is within, as near as the next breath, as near as our own heart.   And, they teach God is within reach.  I “only” have to do my part.  I only have to engage self-effort to experience the inherent Truth of their mystical encouragement, their view of Grace.

There are times that “only” feels like a thousand miles long and 14,000 lifetimes.  But, still no one else is going to confront and embrace that “only” but me.  No one can do this effort for me.  In embracing that “only” and engaging in self-effort, those are the moments that I seem to disappear in a meeting with Grace.

Mechtild of Magdeburg wrote with simplistic beauty on the nature of Grace.  As a young girl of twelve in the early thirteenth century, she had a revelation of the spirit when she saw “all things in God, and God in all things.”   Much later, with her life devoted to service and spiritual practice, she wrote “How God comes to the Soul.”

“I descend on my love

As dew on a flower.”

Mmmmmm.  As a dew on a flower.  There’s a quiet peace, a sweet love in that statement.  It reinforces my experience that it is in those quiet present moments of the peaceful, loving, joyous NOW that I meet God.

Swami Muktananda, a modern mystic and meditation teacher, repeatedly suggested that being on a spiritual path is like the flight of a bird.  He wrote, “Self -effort and grace are like the two wings of a bird: the bird needs both to fly to the goal.”  Just as a bird needs both wings to fly, as a would-be Knower of God, I lean into both Grace and self-effort.

How do you meet Grace?  Click on the comments above and share your experience.

By Melanie | Posted in meditation, power of now, sacred threads | Tagged , , , , | Comments (0)

surprising waves of grief

May 7, 2009 – 2:13 pm

img_40322I’m back from my world travels!  Yayyyy!  Greece was beautiful and I look forward to returning to that part of the world.  I lived in Izmir, Turkey when I was younger and loved it.  It was a magical time in my life.

Being in this part of the world again caught me by suprise.  The first couple of days I was PRICKLY!  My dear daughter only had to look at me sideways and I would start crying.  It was an odd combination of events that came together in a roaring confluence.

Making it all the more challenging was that I did not have a clue what was going on with me.  After much contemplation (yayyyy for self-reflection!), I realized I missed my mom, I missed my daughters knowing my mom and I missed my daughter even though she was now only a few feet away from me.

Here’s the deal, grief snuck up on me and gave me a good thump in my heart.  My mom passed in 1996 and Hannah, my youngest, has been living in France since January.  Compound that with being around ruins.  RUINS.  That’s what thumped my heart and opened this contorted grief storm.  We never really know what’s going to set off grief.

For me, this time, ruins.  When we lived in Turkey, my family would spend weekends finding ruins, playing in Ephesus, and generally having great adventures.  Ruins were my playground and it was magical.  Ruins reminded me of that time and of my mom.  And, I missed her.  A LOT.

Once I figured out wth was going on with me, it was much easier to just allow the tears.  I’m a big advocate of self-reflection.  Know Thyself.  What better place to engage in contemplation and self-reflection than Delphi?  Though the columns that support that ancient guidance have long ago collapsed, the wisdom lives on.

By Melanie | Posted in 3 Good Things, Uncategorized, birthday, meditation, mindfulness, power of now, relationships, this i believe | Tagged , , , , | Comments (2)

Mingling Holding On & Letting Go

February 19, 2009 – 1:22 pm
Even Nature Balances Holding On & Letting Go

Even Nature Balances Holding On & Letting Go

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
– Havelock Ellis

By Melanie | Posted in Uncategorized, fresh fruit, mindfulness, power of now, relationships, this i believe | Comments (0)