Anger generally has an outward directed energy.  Someone in your life does something that does not meet your expectations or standards and you get mad.  Or they don’t do something they said they would do and you get mad.  Or they fail you or someone you care about and you get mad.

Often this “mad” is also accompanied by a kind of righteous indignation.  It’s that righteous indignation that is so very seductive to the ego.  It wraps its gnarly little hands around your heart and puffs itself up in your mind.  Righteous indignation has its own energy and for some people can be quite compelling.

Take a look at the most recent time you felt mad about something.  Was there also a sense of righteous indignation?  Can you see how that feeling seems to justify your anger?  Can you see how puffed up righteous indignation is?

Alternatively, if you release yourself from the grip of righteous indignation, it might just be easier to more fully understand the anger you are feeling.  It will likely be easier to engage in a little self-inquiry and gain insight about the best course of action.  For often, anger calls for action.  Yet, when you jump into action without fully understanding the anger and it’s root source, you are likely to create more distance in your relationships and more stress in your heart.  In the same way, if you are still scrambled up with the full energetic charge of the anger you are likely to create more problems.

Therefore, a good strategy is to first release the energetic charge of the anger (there are a number of tools you can use for this), then engage in a little self-inquiry and finally decide on a course of action to take.  Because the root of most anger is some unmet need or want, your self inquiry might mean asking yourself a few questions like, “What did I expect that didn’t happen?  What do I need that I’m not getting?  How can I get my needs met without verbal violence?”  Most people get that it’s not cool to try to get your needs met with violence.  However, when you are caught up in your anger, you might think that their verbal violence is justified.  That’s one of the reasons it’s best to clear the energetic charge of the anger first.

What are your tricks for clearing the energetic charge of anger?  How do you release yourself from righteous indignation?

Last night I had a really funny dream about a friend and me.  She was convinced that we just HAD to get tickets to an upcoming RUSH concert, because it might be our last chance to do so.  First, I know I’m an oddity, but I’m not a big fan of concerts.  Second, I’ve never seen Rush in concert, nor have I wanted to.

When I told my friend about the dream, she laughed (via facebook lol ) and shared that maybe the ego gets afraid that we’ll give up rushing.  That really struck me.  If I give up rushing, my ego gets scared!?  How funny is that!?

And, it makes sense to me.  For rushing is always about being somewhere else, and enlightenment is about being right here.  And, the ego, well, it’s not about enlightenment, that’s for sure.

I don’t particularly enjoy rushing. Does anyone?  In fact, I do see it as an impediment in spiritual growth and emotional well-being.  So much so that I’ve given it up for lent on more than one occasion.  (No, I’m not Catholic — I just think Lent’s a pretty cool holiday when householders can adopt a more monastic point of view for a limited period of time and with limited renunciation.  Yes, I know that’s a strange point of view).

Slowing down to the pace of the verb you’re in is one way to stop rushing.  Think about it, what’s the verb you are in, right now?  Reading?  Slow down and breathe as you read.  Take in the words, taste them, smell them be with each word for just a tiny moment.  Fully giving it it’s due.  Breathe again.

What if you were to slow down to the pace of the verbs you are in while you are in them?  Washing dishes…driving…bathing…exercising….just being in the verb you are in.  This kind of mindfulness has the potential to open windows of understanding in your heart and bring you into the preciousness of the present.

Wanna join me there?  I mean here?

I’ve been moving deeper and deeper into my mindfulness practice in the last few years and am finding it to be a rich, sumptuous way of living.  I’m looking forward to sharing this exploration with a small group of women in the south of France.  If you are interested, give me a call or check it out here.

Shhhhhhhhhh.....

I’ve received a few emails from people about my previous post on silence (y’all can comment on the blog if you like).  Anyway, it occurs to me that not everyone is drawn to take a few days and spend them in silence and if even if that appeals to you, you may find it challenging to integrate your experience of silence into your daily life.

To that end, here are a few tips about silence you can play with.

With the absence of outer distractions like radio, tv, music, podcasts…you may notice how the mind wanders and creates a jumble of internal noise.  You can play with gently focusing your attention on the breath and when your mind wanders (which it will do) congratulate yourself for that moment of awareness when you noticed the mind wandering and bring it back to the breath.  Or you could lovingly say to yourself over and over and over…shhhhhhh.  shhhhhhh.  shhhhhh.

Alternatively, you could practice being in the verb you’re in.  This is one way that actors practice and prepare – being in the verb you are in focuses your attention on the present moment and can open you to the cathedral of inner silence.

Turn off the radio in the car and just breathe with present directed awareness – not meditation – just breathing and driving.   Driving the speed limit may also help with being more present.

When you are preparing your meals, or eating, turn off the radio or tv.  Set aside the newspaper and magazines and just be with the food you are with.  Anyone hearing strains of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young — “Love the One You’re With”?

Of course, meditate.  If you don’t have a daily meditation practice, start.  Start slow with just a few minutes a day.  But start.  No kidding, over time, you will be so glad you started.  Check out the free stuff page if you need some guidance.  I upload new stuff periodically.  There are also numerous other sites.  I like audio dharma.  And here’s a cool site with meditation timers you can download for your computer or iphone.

One of my clients mentioned that she didn’t think that people enjoyed practicing silence because they may be afraid of what they’ll discover in the silence.  Perhaps for some of you there’s truth in that.  Silence can introduce you to parts of yourself that perhaps you’ve been neglecting or would rather ignore.  If that’s the case, maybe the silence can re-introduce you to yourself and help you re-discover ways of living that feel ALIVE and real.  Even if there’s pain, there’s also joy.  Even if there’s sorrow, there’s also hope.  I don’t think any of us can cut ourselves off from one aspect of life without also squeezing out the other, more appealing parts of life as well.

To that end, I think it’s valuable to cultivate resources that help you cope, heal, and reclaim the gift of life.

Another way to practice silence is to first do a mind dump.  One of my favorites is using Julia Cameron’s notion of morning pages.  The idea here is that each morning you write for 3 pages without stopping.  You can read more about that here. After writing, just sit and breathe.  Practice being in silence.

Hmmm…this started out as a way to offer just a few tips on silence and now I’m on to resources.  I suppose the truth here is that I find silence to be a resource and meditation is one of the best ways I practice silence.  AND, I enjoy integrating moments of silence into my daily life.  It restores my awareness of the peace available to me in this moment.

What about you?  What your your silence tips?  Post here so we all can benefit.