In a nutshell, it was fantastic!  The food, the setting, the companionship, the wisdom and reflection —  all of it was just fantastic!  I loved watching the women on the retreat blossom in the warmth of a small group of incredible women in an incredible setting.  And, the sunflowers WERE in bloom!  Just glorious.

Sunflowers in Monclar de Quercy

Each morning, we began the day in a stained glass windowed room with meditation followed by stretching… or vice versa.  The day unfolded from there with a variety of activities from one-to-one sessions with me, massage, facials, walks, excursions to simply exquisite places, delicious food, retreat sessions and great good company.

One participant shared that “this trip was, by far, the best trip I’ve ever taken!”

I think that something magical and alchemical happens when you bring together a group of women in a setting away from the familiar.  There were new insights and breakthroughs everyday.

One breakthrough for me was realizing that I absolutely love doing retreats like this in other countries and in our own magnificent country.  By the time it was all over, the participants were saying, “Where are we going next year?  Bali?  The Amalfi Coast of Italy?

There are several amazing places for retreat.  And, I’m am more and more clear about the difference between a retreat and a vacation.  One big difference is a schedule.  On my retreats, we take the support of a flexible schedule.  One primary benefit of having a flexible schedule is that the benefits of the retreat stay long after the retreat is over.  That’s not always the case with a vacation.  Another benefit of a flexible schedule is that you are able to experience and integrate new places, new people and new, more authentic ways of being.

If you’ve not planned a retreat for yourself yet this year, plan one!  Take a look at my book, an illumined life, if you need some support.

If you are a woman and would like to join me on retreat, take part in this survey and help me choose the time and location of our next retreat!  Take the survey now.

Reflecting in Carcassonne

Here’s the good news, not all of life is suffering.  What this means in terms of being in life with more equipoise, with greater equanimity,  is that as you practice being in life with friendly detachment, the ups and downs of life’s storms – - – even the emotional storms have less power over you.

Rarely does an emotional storm just hit.  Imagine you are standing in your doorway looking out on a bright sunny day and then all of a sudden, I mean in an instant, you are swept out of your doorway into the broiling fury of a hurricane.

Storms don’t really work like that.  First you might notice a cool wind, then the clouds start to shift, then the sky gets dark, then it starts drizzling, then it starts raining.  Then the thunder and lightening, then maybe there’s hail and furious winds, by now, you should be taking cover, right?  Gradually, the storm dissipates.  The thunder and lightening rolls away, the rain lessons and then becomes a sprinkle and soon the sun is back out with it’s warmth and promise.

Emotionally, it’s much the same.  Notice the choice points every step of the way.  There are choice points where you can notice the thought (maybe it has something to do with attraction or aversion), you can right then practice being with the thought and the emotion while it’s a breeze before it becomes a wind.  As a physician friend said, you begin to activate Heisenberg’s Principle (I think that’s correct).  Watching changes what you are watching.  Wanna read that again?  Watching, changes what you are watching.  When you observe something, what you are observing changes.

I think of this as kind of naming the beast of whatever you are experiencing.  You name it.  Then just practice being with it — as the ocean is with it’s own waves.  It’s not upset that there’s a wave.  It’s just there.  It’s part of the ocean, but it’s not the whole ocean.  So it is with our own upsets.  So it is with the circumstances of our lives.

This is much much much easier to do if you have a formal meditation practice.  I know I tend to get on a soap box about this.  So I’ll not rant too long.  If you don’t meditate or engage in some centering practice.  Start.  You will be so happy you did.  I’ve got a couple of free recordings under free stuff to help you get started.  Soon, I’ll have more resources so stay tuned.

Then there’s all the times we just don’t want to do the work – there’s the play of aversion in having to work at being in our life with greater ease.  Again, EVERYONE on the planet has some thing in their life that they just don’t want to do.  We all get  tired of doing — there is aversion to one experience and attraction to another.  Be easy with yourself in these times.  Be a kind friend to yourself.

I don’t think that the attraction and aversion play is really the problem.  I think it’s our holding on to our attractions and aversions that create problems.  Just play with noticing the play of attraction and aversion in your life.  Notice how you are attracted to one experience and averse to another.  You needn’t try to change it.  It’s a natural part of human life.  And, these moments of being attracted to one experience and averse to another contribute to our feeling off — not quite centered.  Notice, and practice letting go.

If you’ve been reading for a while, you know I’m facilitating a women’s retreat very soon in France.  (Wanna come?  We have ONE opening!).  Anyway, last night, I was looking for airfare and noticed my shoulders beginning to hunch up, there was a tightness setting in around my mouth and eyes.  Then there were the barest of responses to my loving and patient husband.  My aversion to the high airfare was starting to get the best of me.

Can you see how it’s not only the big aversions that throw us off.  It’s the little aversions and attractions as well.

After a while, after spending a little too long in this play between my frustration because of being caught up in the attraction to easy low fare and the aversion to high fares, I took a deep breath and closed my lap top.  With practice,  maybe next time, I’ll just watch the attraction and aversion like waves in the ocean of my experience and book a flight.

1.  When is the best time to do each thing?

2.  Who are the most important people to work with?

3.  What is the most important thing to do at all times?

Many, many people tried and failed to answer these seemingly simple questions.  The emperor set off in search of the answers himself.  He was told of a holy man who lived as a hermit and decided to find the hermit.  Surely, such a man would be able to answer the questions.

When he finally reached the holy man, the emperor found him stooped, working in his garden.  The hermit listened attentively to his questions, patted the emperor on the shoulder, and continued digging.  The emperor, although perplexed by the hermit’s indifference to him, offered to help the old man.  The hermit rested while the emperor dug.  Many hours passed this way.

After some time, a wounded man approached.  The emperor helped him, and dressed his wounds.  In the morning, the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for water, which the emperor promptly fetched from the stream.

To the surprise of the emperor, the wounded man asked for the emperor’s forgiveness.  The wounded man explained that he was a sworn enemy of the emperor who had killed his brother and seized his property.  He had set off to kill the emperor but was caught by the emperor’s attendants who wounded him.  After hearing the wounded man’s story, the emperor and the wounded man reconciled and the emperor ordered his attendants to return the man safely to his home.

The emperor approached the hermit, again asked his questions.  The hermit smiled telling the emperor that his questions had already been answered.

The most important time was the time spent digging in the garden.  For had the emperor not stopped and helped the old man by digging in the garden, he would have been attacked.

The most important person was the hermit and the most important pursuit was to help the hermit.  Later, the most important time was the time spent helping the wounded man.

The most important person was of course the wounded man.

And the most important pursuit was dressing his wounds, for had he not done that the emperor would never have had the chance to reconcile with the man.

The old holy man told the emperor, “Remember that there is only one important time and that is now.  The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion.  The most important person is always the person you are with, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future.  The most important pursuit is making that person, the one standing at your side, happy, for that alone is the pursuit of life.” (From Leo Tolstoy’s short story The Three Questions)

It seems that in order to discover the wisdom hidden in such a story (as well as the stories of our own lives) and drink the nectarean wisdom infused throughout such tales, we must slow down and contemplate the story.

The obvious message for being present and giving oneself fully to each unfolding moment offers an enticing entry into such contemplation.  Yet, simply glancing at the notion that the “pursuit of life” is solely to bring happiness to the person at our side can raise the hackles of most of us who have been immersed in the pop psychology literature of the last couple of decades.

When I first read the story I felt myself bristle at the notion of trying to make another happy, after all, we are each responsible for ourselves, and our state of mind.  However, upon considering how I would be with the person at my side if I knew her to be God, if he revealed himself to me as the essence of Divine Consciousness.  Might then my pursuit indeed be to bring the Lord happiness?  Only with a quiet mind have I glimpse the purity of such a pursuit.  Again, I’m reminded of the value of a daily meditation practice.

Each one of us is faced with the challenge to slow down the rushing activity of the mind and the body and taste the nectar of the moments that make up daily life.  For only in the present moment does Love, does the Greatest Mystery, reveal Itself.  Only in the present can we glimpse Grace sneaking in.

As I mentioned in a previous Sacred Threads post, I sometimes feel as though I am playing a great game of hide and seek with God.  If I let myself be still enough even in the midst of activity, I spot God and find mySelf at Home, in Heaven, in my heart.  Enough of these moments strung together are like perfect pearls joining to form an exquisitely simple yet beautifully elegant strand of jeweled moments that make up the garland of my life.

When I told my friend about the dream, she laughed (via facebook lol ) and shared that maybe the ego gets afraid that we’ll give up rushing.  That really struck me.  If I give up rushing, my ego gets scared!?  How funny is that!?

And, it makes sense to me.  For rushing is always about being somewhere else, and enlightenment is about being right here.  And, the ego, well, it’s not about enlightenment, that’s for sure.

I don’t particularly enjoy rushing. Does anyone?  In fact, I do see it as an impediment in spiritual growth and emotional well-being.  So much so that I’ve given it up for lent on more than one occasion.  (No, I’m not Catholic — I just think Lent’s a pretty cool holiday when householders can adopt a more monastic point of view for a limited period of time and with limited renunciation.  Yes, I know that’s a strange point of view).

Slowing down to the pace of the verb you’re in is one way to stop rushing.  Think about it, what’s the verb you are in, right now?  Reading?  Slow down and breathe as you read.  Take in the words, taste them, smell them be with each word for just a tiny moment.  Fully giving it it’s due.  Breathe again.

What if you were to slow down to the pace of the verbs you are in while you are in them?  Washing dishes…driving…bathing…exercising….just being in the verb you are in.  This kind of mindfulness has the potential to open windows of understanding in your heart and bring you into the preciousness of the present.

Wanna join me there?  I mean here?

I’ve been moving deeper and deeper into my mindfulness practice in the last few years and am finding it to be a rich, sumptuous way of living.  I’m looking forward to sharing this exploration with a small group of women in the south of France.  If you are interested, give me a call or check it out here.

photo by Michal Marcol

Having a cleaner vision, with less emotional static, I have been able to interact with her with less tension, more understanding, and a steady confidence in our shared love.  I feel like I’m interacting with Grace, rather than through clouds of pain and disappointment.  Again, PHEW!

Cleaning the windows of the heart requires awareness, diligence, humility, and skillfulness … probably other qualities as well.  Cleaning the windows of the heart is a kind of personal hygiene that many of us neglect or put off.  Yet it is just this type of cleaning that ushers us into interacting with grace.

Most of us brush our teeth everyday.  We get that personal hygiene is solely our responsibility.  Most of us don’t wait for someone else to brush our teeth or even tell us when it needs to be done.  Yet, when it comes to taking care of the various emotional waves and storms that move through our hearts and relationships, there’s hesitation.  There’s denial.  There’s avoidance.  In fact, many of us may differ on what it means to take care of the waves and storms of the heart.

From my perspective, this “taking care of” means first and foremost taking responsibility for.  How we feel, our emotional reactions are ours – we own them.  No one else is responsible.  And in that responsibility lies our power to “take care of.”  When we assume ownership of our emotional experience, when we take responsibility for our emotional experience – we access our response-ability, our ability to respond.

So, if we look at those four qualities – awareness, diligence, humility, and skillfulness – we can see how important each are if we are to clean the windows of the heart.  Washing away the debris of the pain from unmet expectations, for example, is made easier if you are aware of your emotional responses to your life experiences as they are happening.  Diligence means to me that you know that it’s not going to just take one washing to get a clean heart – some pains take some time to make sure that all the streaks are cleaned away.  With humility, there is a kind of willingness to be wrong, to be ‘less than’ your ego’s vision of you.  Well, there’s more I could say about the value of humility.  For the time being, I’ll leave it there.

Now we’re left with skillfulness.  These days, there are numerous skillful means of cleaning the windows of the heart – Z Point, Mindfulness, TAT, EFT, Hypnosis, Self-Talk, —- and so many more.

What do you do to keep the windows of your heart clean?

Stay tuned.  I’m in the process of putting together a couple of recordings to help you clean windows.  If you don’t want to wait, check out my shop for some resources that can help you right now!

Shhhhhhhhhh.....

I’ve received a few emails from people about my previous post on silence (y’all can comment on the blog if you like).  Anyway, it occurs to me that not everyone is drawn to take a few days and spend them in silence and if even if that appeals to you, you may find it challenging to integrate your experience of silence into your daily life.

To that end, here are a few tips about silence you can play with.

With the absence of outer distractions like radio, tv, music, podcasts…you may notice how the mind wanders and creates a jumble of internal noise.  You can play with gently focusing your attention on the breath and when your mind wanders (which it will do) congratulate yourself for that moment of awareness when you noticed the mind wandering and bring it back to the breath.  Or you could lovingly say to yourself over and over and over…shhhhhhh.  shhhhhhh.  shhhhhh.

Alternatively, you could practice being in the verb you’re in.  This is one way that actors practice and prepare – being in the verb you are in focuses your attention on the present moment and can open you to the cathedral of inner silence.

Turn off the radio in the car and just breathe with present directed awareness – not meditation – just breathing and driving.   Driving the speed limit may also help with being more present.

When you are preparing your meals, or eating, turn off the radio or tv.  Set aside the newspaper and magazines and just be with the food you are with.  Anyone hearing strains of Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young — “Love the One You’re With”?

Of course, meditate.  If you don’t have a daily meditation practice, start.  Start slow with just a few minutes a day.  But start.  No kidding, over time, you will be so glad you started.  Check out the free stuff page if you need some guidance.  I upload new stuff periodically.  There are also numerous other sites.  I like audio dharma.  And here’s a cool site with meditation timers you can download for your computer or iphone.

One of my clients mentioned that she didn’t think that people enjoyed practicing silence because they may be afraid of what they’ll discover in the silence.  Perhaps for some of you there’s truth in that.  Silence can introduce you to parts of yourself that perhaps you’ve been neglecting or would rather ignore.  If that’s the case, maybe the silence can re-introduce you to yourself and help you re-discover ways of living that feel ALIVE and real.  Even if there’s pain, there’s also joy.  Even if there’s sorrow, there’s also hope.  I don’t think any of us can cut ourselves off from one aspect of life without also squeezing out the other, more appealing parts of life as well.

To that end, I think it’s valuable to cultivate resources that help you cope, heal, and reclaim the gift of life.

Another way to practice silence is to first do a mind dump.  One of my favorites is using Julia Cameron’s notion of morning pages.  The idea here is that each morning you write for 3 pages without stopping.  You can read more about that here. After writing, just sit and breathe.  Practice being in silence.

Hmmm…this started out as a way to offer just a few tips on silence and now I’m on to resources.  I suppose the truth here is that I find silence to be a resource and meditation is one of the best ways I practice silence.  AND, I enjoy integrating moments of silence into my daily life.  It restores my awareness of the peace available to me in this moment.

What about you?  What your your silence tips?  Post here so we all can benefit.

On this cold, wintry day, I’m reminded of a very different day.   After a long weekend of tiring work, a friend of mine and I took a day of rest on the beach.  After a long walk, we lay side by side gazing at the sky.  My body felt still and my mind quiet as I lay on the beach with the sun penetrating my skin and warming me to the center of my bones.

I remember breathing  deeply and taking in the great expanse above us.  After some time, I asked her if she could see thousands of tiny dots of light.  They seemed to dance before the eyes.  She saw them too.

Together, we gazed at the sky in wonder.  I felt myself as made of the same particles of light that danced before me.  I experienced a dissolving of the illusion that my friend and I were somehow different than the sand, the ocean, and the sky.  I was filled with a sense of quiet wonder and complete love, a kind of love that seemed to pour itself over me like warm honey.

This kind of gazing is in fact a centering technique drawn from an ancient Hindu text, The Vijnana Bhairava.

Many texts of ancient India have been translated in the last hundred years or so from Sanskrit to English, providing yet more doorways through which we can enter the Garden.  The Vijnana Bhairava is a collection of dharanas, centering techniques.

These techniques not only center a seeker, but open her to experiencing the wonder of the Divine Presence.  The English Translation of this text has a captivating title, “The Yoga of Delight, Wonder, and Astonishment.”

One of my favorite centering techniques from this text is the practice of gazing, without blinking as much as possible, at the sky.  “If one makes himself thoroughly immobile beholds the pure (cloudless) sky, at that very moment, O goddess, he will acquire the nature of Bhairava (Supreme Consciousness).” (The Yoga of Delight, Wonder and Astonishment, p. 78).

As each object of Nature carries the energy of God, the Presence of Divine Consciousness, it follows that each object of Nature can then carry the wisdom of the Divine.  However, to experience that recognition we must stop, but for a moment, to consider Nature to be a manifestation of God.

Even the path of the sun in the sky, lends itself to revealing the mysterious Presence of God in its very predictability.  Further contemplating the sun, I have experienced its generosity in the sensation of warmth on my skin, or in the taste of fruit in remembrance of the sun’s rays.

The ways in which we can contemplate Nature and find solace in it is endless.  In fact, images of Nature, simply gazing at Nature, can naturally return us to a state of peace.  Such images are abundant, infinite and easily accessible. Walking outside and gazing up at the sky, or simply sitting where you are and remembering the vastness of the sky can lure you to the experience of knowing you are in the Presence.

The Native American reverence for Nature is well known and continues to gain respect as many look to deepen their understanding and challenge previously held beliefs and assumptions.

Consider the wisdom in this statement from the Mohawk Nation, “We are shown that our life exists with the tree life, that our well being depends on the well-being of the vegetable life, that we are close relatives of the four-legged beings.  In our ways, spiritual consciousness is the highest form of politics . . . We believe that all living things are spiritual beings.  Spirits can be expressed as energy forms manifested in matter.  A blade of grass is an energy form manifested in matter – grass matter.  The spirit of the grass is that unseen force which produces the species of grass, and it is manifest to us in the form of real grass.”(15)

Any aspect of Nature, from a single acorn, to the changing seasons can teach us more of the Truth of who we are.  What if we were to listen, and let God be God in any and all manifestations before us?  Might then we glimpse the beauty and peace of the Eternal in the Present moment?

P.S.  If you are interested in learning and experience moments of Divinity in Nature, consider joining my Women’s Retreat in Provence, June 2010.  Only 3 spots left!

Charleston on the Battery

If’ you’ve been reading for a while, you know by now that I find comfort in exploring my spirituality from multiple vantage points including diving into esoteric spiritual texts from a variety of cultures and human experience.  One of these texts is the Vijnana Bhairava. This book is a collection of dharanas, centering techniques.  These techniques not only center a seeker, but open her to experiencing the wonder of the Divine Presence.  The English Translation of this text has a captivating title, “The Yoga of Delight, Wonder, and Astonishment.”

One of my favorite centering techniques from this text is the practice of gazing, without blinking, at the sky.  “If one makes himself thoroughly immobile beholds the pure (cloudless) sky with fixed eyes, at that very moment, O goddess, he will acquire the nature of Bhairava (Supreme Consciousness).”

One day, after a long weekend of tiring work, a friend of mine and I took a day of rest on the beach.  After a long walk, we lay side by side gazing at the sky, our bodies still and minds quiet.  We breathed deeply and took in the great expanse above us.  After some time, I asked her if she could see the thousands of tiny dots of light that seemed to be dancing before my eyes.  She did.  Together, we gazed at the sky in wonder.  I felt myself as made of the same particles of light that danced before me.  I experienced a dissolving of the illusion that my friend and I were somehow different than the sand, the ocean, and the sky.  I was filled with a sense of quiet wonder and complete love.

As each object of Nature carries the energy of God, the Presence of the Divine, it follows that each object of Nature can then carry the wisdom of the Divine.  However, to experience that recognition I must stop, but for a moment, to consider it to be a manifestation of God.  I pause.  And, in that pause, Nature seems to open a doorway to reveal some Truth.

Even the path of the sun in the sky, lends itself to revealing the mysterious Presence of God in its very predictability.  Further contemplating the sun, I experience its generosity in the sensation of warmth on my skin or taste a bite of fruit in remembrance of its rays.  The ways in which I can contemplate Nature and find solace in it is truly endless.

In fact, images of Nature, simply gazing at Nature can naturally return me to a state of peace.  Such images are abundant, infinite and easily accessible.  For instance, walking outside and gazing up at the sky, or simply sitting where I am and remembering the vastness of the sky can lure me to the experience of knowing I am in the Presence of God.

It’s comforting to me to know I’m not alone in my quest to deepen my relationship to Spirit and to use any doorway that takes me there.  Nature is a broad doorway.  The Native American reverence for Nature is well known and continues to gain respect as many look to deepen their understanding of and appreciation of Nature as well as challenge previously held beliefs and assumptions.

Consider the wisdom in this statement from the Mohawk Nation (This quote is from an old journal and I can’t find the source.  If anyone knows the source, please share), “We are shown that our life exists with the tree life, that our well being depends on the well-being of the vegetable life, that we are close relatives of the four-legged beings.  In our ways, spiritual consciousness is the highest form of politics . . . We believe that all living things are spiritual beings.  Spirits can be expressed as energy forms manifested in matter.  A blade of grass is an energy form manifested in matter – grass matter.  The spirit of the grass is that unseen force which produces the species of grass, and it is manifest to us in the form of real grass.”

Any aspect of Nature, from a single acorn, to the changing seasons can teach me more of the Truth of who I am.  What if I listen more deeply, and let God be God in any and all manifestations before me?  Might then I glimpse the beauty and peace of the Eternal in the Present moment?